Dating after what I thought was a “real” relationship, has been a whirlwind. I was in an on and off relationship with a guy who had been my best friend. He never committed to me. I mean sure we were “exclusive”, but he never wanted us to label our relationship. When we were just friends, he would tell me how crazy his ex was or how crazy his new girlfriend is. I never realized he was the one who was crazy until it was too late. He strung me along and said all the right things to keep me around.
It wasn’t until my Grandma had passed and my cousin was diagnosed with leukemia that I wanted more for myself. You see my cousin was 23 when she got diagnose. 23! I was 24 when I first started dating “J”. I realized how short life was and how badly I was fighting for something that was never really real. Then he did the unthinkable, he stood me up for a basketball game in January. You see, we were a long distance relationship and he would never come to me. “J” was supposed to come visit me and I got my entire house ready and took off work (which I never do). I never told anyone he stood me up. I lied and said we had a great time even though I cried. I cried because I wasted so much time on a guy who didn’t respect me. Who didn’t realize I was struggling and needed a shoulder to cry on. My world was turned on its axis and I needed someone to help right it. When I went to visit my cousin in the hospital and saw the guy she was dating at the time drive 4 hours to sleep in her room, I realized that she had found a good one. I was envious of her in that moment and even told her so. You see if the roles were reversed “J” would not be at my bedside.
I ended up leaving the hospital that day and blocking him on everything. I mean EVERYTHING. I had done this numerous times before, which is kind of embarassing to admit. I became a girl that I didn’t even recognize. I was so tempted to see what he was up to but held strong. Soon my family was recognizing that a weight I had been carrying around was lifted, they just didn’t know what it was.
My cousin fougt her battle for 14 months after she was diagnosed and during that time, I would occasionally date. I was trying to find myself again. While spending my free time with my cousin, doing whateve she was up for. She made me realize what it meant to truly live for yourself. I don’t think she realized how big of an impact she had/has made on my life. She decided to end treatment in October and i knew that I did not want to take up my free time dating guys who didn’t deserve it. But that did not last.
It was in January, when I decided to join Hinge and start browsing. I mainly was doing it because the store is slow during that month. And I ended up being heavily persued by “C”. He was not my type at all. One he was younger than me and two he was not ambitious at all. But he made me feel great about myself and made me laugh. We started dating heavily and I kinda thought this was going somewhere. Oh, I should mention on our first date we talked about being upfront if we lost interest in each other. Be an adult and straight up tell the other person, you’re just not interested. Oh, and he didn’t pay for my meal. Ladies and Men! This is not a good sign! I do not care if I make good money or not, first date should not be dutch.
First date was okay. Nothing spectacular but I felt compelled to give him another shot. Second date, was WAY better. He even invited himself to a wedding I was attending in Early March. So by the wedding, he and I hadn’t kissed yet after six dates. DEPRESSING. We get to the wedding and its fun. I’m very independent and I hate when people cannot hold there on. But he could! Great! So I’m not a big drinker, but weddings are supposed to be fun. We both had work the next day, so I told him he could stay over .
Wake up the next morning and everything is perfect. He gets ready for work and leaves saying he will text me about plans for the upcoming week. So he texts all day through work. Then the next day is Sunday and no word from him. Then Monday nothing. Then Tuesday nothing. Oh and I’m not one to text someone first but by this point I’m thinking what’s the harm. Yep, send him a text about possibly getting dinner and each night I propose he shoots down. Obviously, hes ghosting me…. Which if you’ve never been it’s not fun.
I had never been ghosted before and I hated it. But I hated myself, because I had wasted free time on him that could have been spent with my cousin. I started to loathe the fact that I would keep dating a guy I had to convince myself to like. You see, I think I was wanting someone to take my mind off of reality and chose someone who I knew wasn’t going to be the “one”. I needed companionship so badly that I looked for it in someone that could not hurt me. His ghosting only hurt my ego.
Then my cousin passed later in March and my world was shattered. I knew it was coming but still could not comprehend she was actually gone. She had the world at her feet one day and the next it was literally ripped away from her. I needed to mourn her and mourn the fact that I would never be the same, neither would my family. We were all changed. The past two years have been HELL for my family. And the bad news just kept coming….. My Nana (dad’s mom) wasn’t doing well and neither was my Uncle (my dad’s brother).
But we had something to celebrate, my nephew was about to be born. And that made me realize I could not put my life on hold. So I downloaded Hinge again. I started to go for guys who were not my “type”. But I played the defensive. I let the guys like me first. BOY, did I win the lottery. At least, I think….
I promise to keep yall updated, but this guy has made me smitten which never happens. This is the first relationship I’ve been in that actually means something to me on a different level. I do not know how to describe it. He just does things that are little, that guys in the past would probably think is silly. So my advice for all you single ladies out there, do not force it. It will come when you least expect it.
I hope to keep you updated on a weekly basis or let’s be honest every other week. At least on this subject. I hope y’all can relate or get a little something out of it!